Pornography addiction all starts in your mind. There are many people that think about it and some people don’t. For many people, pornography doesn’t interest them, just like landscaping or chess might not interest you. But for the pornography addict, pornography is extremely intriguing.
You might not be someone who spends a lot of time thinking lustful thoughts. Lustful thoughts can certainly increase your desire to find pornography. But that might not be your particular spark.
Maybe you associate feelings of insecurity or loneliness with sex. There are some people, when they’re feeling lonely, turn to masturbation or pornography. Such simulated sex makes them feel un-lonely, at least for a little while. If that’s your situation, you need to realize that feeling alone at times is part of life. Even the most happily married man or woman in the world feels lonely once in a while.
Create a plan of action for the times you are alone. Learn to enjoy being alone. Do housework, or study, or exercise. Get out of the house and get your heart pumping. Don’t worry about whether you’ll be tempted again when you get back. You’re not exercising to keep from seeking out pornography — you’re exercising because you enjoy it, you are alone and now is the perfect opportunity.
Find things you love to do, that you can do when you’re alone.
Controlling your thoughts is like driving down the freeway. Have you ever driven at a high speed and suddenly heard your tires thumping over the reflectors on the lane’s dividing line? You hadn’t noticed yourself swerving out of your lane, but now you hear the warning of the bumps under your tires. So what do you do? Probably, without even thinking, you correct your steering and pull away from the line.
That’s what you are trying to do with your thoughts. Whenever you get in a situation that might tempt you to indulge in pornography, you need to make adjustments in your thinking and actions to get you away from danger. At first that will take a great deal of effort, but as your instincts improve, you’ll find yourself steering clear of hazards with hardly any thought at all.
Let’s say you are staying in a hotel that offers adult programming on television. Well, most hotels also allow you to disconnect adult programming. You probably need to call the front desk the moment you arrive in your room and ask them to disconnect the service. Even though you aren’t tempted when you arrive, late at night you might be, and you want to make sure it is unavailable. You may have to do the same thing 20 years from now, even though it’s been two decades since you’ve sought out pornography — remember, you’re an addict; you will always be addicted. You will always have to take precautions.
You are an addict. You have a disease. You have to take efforts every day to avoid pornography. Maybe you have to cancel your Internet account.
There are things that you aren’t strong enough to resist. You’ll get stronger and wiser, but right now you may have to deny yourself some things. Listen to your thoughts. Are you rationalizing? Pay attention to the things you rationalize — they’re probably the very areas where you are weakest.
Fill your mind with something uplifting when you catch an unpleasant thought creeping onto the stage of your mind. Maybe you can sing a favorite song to yourself, or recite an inspiring poem, scripture or quote.
Overcoming pornography and other sexual addictions is normally not an immediate event, but more of a process in gaining control over one’s body and mind.
First, the offensive behavior needs to stop. That is, the viewing of pornography needs to be halted at whatever cost. It can’t continue of the process will be halted.
Second, one must figure out the root of their problem. The question needs to be asked, “Why am I doing this?” The reason for this is not only to determine the reason why the viewing of pornography ever started but more importantly, how to escape the “need ” of viewing pornography and replace the action with something positive and uplifting.
Third, their needs to be some sort of support in helping to break this self-destroying addiction. There are three levels of support that we suggest: Accountability Partners, Peer Groups, and Professional counseling.
I have never worked with a client that has overcome this specific addiction on their own. There have been many that have tried, but they have all failed. This is an addiction that requires help from another person. When a temptation arises, their needs to be someone to know about it. Someone who can live you strength in that moment of need.
Lastly, one needs to recognize the seriousness of this addiction and needs to try to restore all relationships that the addiction has destroyed. If married, the spouse needs an extremely large apology, and thank you. Why? Because they have been more hurt than the offender could even imagine.
As I always say, this addiction is possible to overcome, but it is one of the worst. It is worse than any physical drug addiction that I have ever dealt with. Hang in their and the addiction can be beat. The following success stories might help in the recovery process.
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