I started drinking beer on the weekends in high school, around the age of 14-15. I remember the first time I got drunk; it was a feeling I never wanted to end. I felt on top of the world, as if I had all the confidence a man could have. I proceeded to binge drink throughout high school and then into college. While at college, I met guys who were more progressed in their disease than I was. I drank with them almost on a daily basis, and experimented with every illicit chemical under the sun. You name it, I’ve done it at least twice (except for peyote). I was drunk, stoned, tweeking, or on the nod every single day in college.

I’m a musician, and learned that alcohol was a great way to kill performance anxiety. It helped me overcome stage fright and play the guitar and bass more comfortably…at first. Later it simply became another hurdle.

By the time I graduated and got my first job at 24, I often joked to friends that drinking was one of the few things I “learned” in college. B.A. – Bachelor with Alcoholism.

What it was like:

I first started to realize I had a problem when I would compulsively buy a 6 pack (later, a 12 pack) every night after work and drink alone. In a sense, I was still living the college life…but I preferred drinking alone. It minimized the embarrassment, the fights, and the verbal arguments that I would usually get into. After a year or two, my drinking progressed to a pint of bourbon nightly…then a pint and a six pack. Before long, I was depressed, lonely, and showing up to work late w/ a hangover every day. I realized it was getting out of control.

But I needed to do more ‘research’. I continued to drink progressively for the next 7 years before making my first real attempt at sobriety in 2005. I entered an outpt program at Laguna Beach, CA. They wanted me to go inpt, as my blood pressure was 200/100 from drinking 2-3 pints of vodka daily, but I refused because I was afraid of missing work and losing my job.

Their program was 12-step oriented, and included lots of exposure to AA. I had problems with the ‘god talk’ and other spiritual themes, as most do. But I tried very hard to maintain an open mind. I had three sponsors during and after my outpt treatment. Two of them relapsed before I did. The third was very rigid…an AA literalist. We had a personality conflict, and I didn’t feel as if he was supportive of my sobriety. He simply liked being in control of the relationship.

Needless to say, I was drinking again after four months of sobriety. This continued for three more years. During this time I discovered SOS (Secular Org for Sobriety) in Los Angeles, and sporadically attended meetings there. I really liked the supportive environment, and the lack of HP themes and the whole ’sponsor’ thing. It was a group of alcoholics that shared their experiences about what kept them sober. Most of them made themselves available 24/7. I mention SOS because it was a support group that I felt more at home in. Even though I continued to drink off and on, it planted seeds which would later empower me to achieve what I have now.

What happened:

After losing three jobs (one of which I really liked), the woman I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, countless other potential romantic partners, having my condo foreclosed on, and then moving back into my parent’s basement…I was fed up. I never had a grand spiritual experience or conversion that convinced me to do anything. Some describe such things, but for me that never happened. I think I just got sick of the cycle. I was done. My life was not turning out the way I wanted it to and I realized the major barrier was my dependence on alcohol.

My job performance was in the toilet, I found myself constantly lying to others, and I lost many friends as a result. I was hiding at home with my habit and my secrets. My life was generally directionless and lacking in meaning, cliche, cliche.

On September 14 2008, I got drunk at home and passed out in front of the pc. I had horrible nightmares about having a heart attack and dying at age 34. I even remember seeing a news headline and a police photo of my death scene. Almost as if it were an out-of-body experience…witnessing my corpse from above. When I awoke, I was sweating and shivering. I had never been so afraid in my life. I went to a walk-in clinic and saw a doctor who showed little interest in helping me. I basically pleaded my case to her, confessing the extent of my alcoholism and that I was quitting that day. I was fearful of withdrawals and the craving-related anxiety which often provoked my binges. She prescribed Campral and Xanax. After doing some research, I ditched the xanax (I was told by a psychiatrist I worked with that it was basically “alcohol in a pill”) but continued on the Campral.

I resentfully attended some local AA meetings (which really sucked compared to those in CA), as SOS and SMART do not exist in this part of the country. I also started lurking and posting here at SR, which is a nice online community of people striving for sobriety via different paths. I modified my diet, finding it much easier to do so once alcohol was gone, and started to exercise sporadically. I read a dozen or so books on recovery, many of which were inspirational.

Most of all, I was honest with my family, friends, and coworkers about my condition and the importance of taking care of myself. I figured if lots of people knew I was an alcoholic, I would be under much more scrutiny and pressure to succeed at remaining sober.

What it’s like now:

One full year later…

The cravings have largely subsided, though I occasionally see others drinking and having fun in public, or in movies, and a part of me thinks “man, I wish I could do that again”. Then I promptly kick myself in the ass and recite my personal mantra that “I will NOT drink, NO MATTER WHAT!”

I’ve lost 52 pounds. I’d estimate about half of that was from the alcohol, the other half from the changes I made to my diet (less sugar, less carbs, more veggies, etc).

My mood has improved. I’m much less irritable and don’t get angry over stupid little things anymore. I find myself easily forgiving others and ignoring things that I used to be offended by.

Other than missing a handful of parties and gatherings at local bars, I can’t say that abstinence has drastically impacted my social life. OTOH, it has improved it. I now find myself more interested in the mundane things of every day life. I’ve learned to laugh more. I’ve become more grateful for the simple privileges that I enjoy, and know how much worse my body, mind, and spirit could be today if I were still drinking.

Thanks for allowing me to share,

DO

I drank and drugged for 28 years, pausing only for pregnancy and child birth. Even while the grief was a constant, I am joyful person by nature and most of the time I believed my life was close to perfect.

I went to all of my kids soccer games, swim meets and choir performances. I volunteered in classes and sporting events. I helped with homework, and tutored the neighbor kids. I thought I was the perfect parent.

I married my best friend. He and I liked the same books, video games, outdoor activities and mind altering substances. We spent a year on meth, shroomed on occasion, got stoned quite a lot, and drank nightly. I cooked 3 squares a day, kept the house running, made sure we never ran out of booze and covered for him when he was too hung over to function. I thought I was the perfect wife.

Over the years we hosted lots of parties, some years it was an every- weekend occurrence. I made sure no one left drunk, gave everyone pillows and blankets and watched over my guests. I always made sure I was a notch less drunk than the rest of the gang, to keep order and tell the stories the next day. I looked down at my friends and family who would get arrested, throw-up or pee on themselves or black-out and do or say stupid things. I thought to myself, if you can’t handle your booze, you shouldn’t drink.

At 24 I lost the cousin I grew up with, he was my age. At 33 I lost the closest thing I had to a son. I believe now that every emotional injury I ever suffered stayed an open wound, and that my nightly intake of alcohol just kept the pain to a dull roar.

When the kids all left home, I noticed my husband had a serious drinking problem. I had no idea how to deal with it, or what the solution was, so I left. As a raging codependent, with the kids gone and my marriage over, I was at a loss. I had no direction what so ever.

The end of 2007, my family asked me to move in with my grand dad. He had advanced Alzheimer’s and they wanted him to be able to live out his days in his own home. With gramps to focus on, I was actually able to cut back my drinking and start a new healthy living regiment, which included losing a ton of weight and going to the gym daily. I still not dare look inward, I was a hot mess and I knew it. But as long as I had gramps to worry about, I was fine.

Gramps died in Sept. 08, I was with him til his last breath. While I was proud of myself for being able to keep him home, his death was the proverbial straw. My grief was overwhelming. I moved into my (ex)-husband’s garage in a state of abject fear. I tried to drown all of it with booze, but there just didn’t seem to be enough alcohol in the world to quiet my pain this time. The drink had quit working for me.

The next four months were a series of every worsening black-outs. I was passing out nightly in my hot tub, I woke up with a broken finger without knowing how I did it, I was hung over every morning. Every morning I would tell myself that I would abstain from drinking that evening, but 5 o’clock would find me heading out to the hot tub with 2 beers and a huge rum and coke.

December 27 2008 I had a post-holiday party, with most of my friends and lots of my family in attendance. I got black-out drunk, engaged in deplorable acts and my daughter was the one to tell me the story the next day.

I had become one of “those” drunks. The kind I detested, the kind that couldn’t handle their alcohol. I knew only 2 emotions that day, shame and despair. Shame for what I had done, and despair because I could think of no way to make it ok again.

I quit drinking to punish myself, and I quit drinking to punish alcohol. I had believed alcohol to be my trusted friend for so long, and it had betrayed me. I had done things while drunk I would have never done sober, I felt violated, as if I had been possessed.

If you would have told me the day I quit, that getting sober would lead me to a life more wonderful than my wildest dreams, I would have kept drinking. I did not want to be happy, I deserved to be miserable. I quit because sobriety sounded like the most miserable thing on the planet.

I came to SR to make sure I would stay stopped, as the punishment demanded. I came here with the tag “uglyeyes”. I could not look in a mirror without crying for weeks. It was reading here on SR that I discovered I was a codependent and an alcoholic, and that there was hope. Several months into my recovery journey, I was having trouble. Someone on SR suggested that I find a higher power, and ask for that higher power for help. My life will never be the same (thanks grateful2b <3)

Today when I look back, it feels like I had drawn shades over the windows in my soul. From the age of 16, I had lived in terror that the people I loved would be taken from me. I had lived in an altered state, with no spiritual component to my life. When I felt that first ray of Light, it changed me profoundly. I found in an instant something I had been dearly missing.

In recovery, I am constantly finding hidden or forgotten dark areas, and I do my best to throw back the shades and illuminate them.

My health and well being involves not only the physical and emotional parts of me, but spiritual as well. With my new found connection to my HP, I am able to work through my grief and heal.

I am also thankful for the recovery community as a whole, the fellowship of AA, and all of the wonderful people here in SR, especially my class of December and my fellow codies.

I love the expression “The Sunlight of the Spirit”, I truly feel like I walk in it now. I liken it to having discovered a color in the rainbow I had never seen before, and it is beautiful.

So to keep up the pretence that I was dealing with my problem that I wasn’t convinced I actually had I asked a friend to come with me to a meeting of alcoholics anonymous. We went that weekend and when we were nearly there I wanted to go to the pub instead! My friend refused to let me though and I will be forever grateful for that. I walked into a meeting that night and I honestly have never looked back. The welcome I got there was amazing. People took time to speak to me and to explain their story to me and even though I felt my drinking was different I felt that something was the same. I was forced that night to look at just what my drinking was doing to my life. I would suffer terrible mood swings before and after drinking, I would wake up the next day shaking and sweating. I was told that a part of the illness of alcoholism is that sometimes you will be able to only drink a few drinks and you’ll be relatively sober, but that those times are few and far between. It was so right; it was happening less and less that I could drink without getting drunk. I didn’t get into trouble every time I was drunk but every time I got into trouble I was drunk.

From that night on I did what was suggested to me. I got to a lot of meetings and started to talk about how I felt. People in those meetings loved me back to life. I couldn’t have done it without them but I also do take credit myself because I turned up at those meetings faithfully. I started to get well and I started to like myself again. Needless to say my partner left me two days after I started in AA but I didn’t drink. It hurt so badly but I didn’t lift a drink because I knew from that first meeting that I had used alcohol to cope with many things in my life. I haven’t touched any mind altering substances since being in AA on June 5th 2008 and was so happy and proud of myself to celebrate my first year sober. I have a relationship with someone new today, I have an amazing relationship with my family and I can look myself in the mirror again. Even when times get tough my worst day sober is much better than my best day drunk. I am getting on my feet financially and work is getting better and better. It hasn’t always been easy but no one promised me it would be. They just promised me that it would be worth it. My Grandfather is very ill right now and the joy is that I can actually be there for him with no regard for myself. I am terrified of hospitals but this isn’t about me. It’s about him and I will do anything I can to make him happy.
I still do as many meetings as I did in the beginning because I need that to stay sober. If I am not feeling good I pick up the phone to a fellow AA member and we talk it out. I keep sober company as I don’t ever want to be tempted to go back to that way of life again. Sober, clean and extremely happy is where I want to be.

The following statement comes from their website:

Alcoholics Anonymous® is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for AA membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. AA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.

I have had many friends that have really benefited from Alcoholics Anonymous and have said that it is a great program for anyone looking for an addiction recovery program.

What is Alcoholism?

Alcoholism is an alcohol addiction, or in other words, a need for an intoxicating liquid that is made through a firmented grain or fruit. These drinks can incluid beer, wine, and other hard liquors.

An alcohol addiction is present when a person cannot limit the amount of alcohol that they consume, and they have a craving at all times in the day. People who are addicted to alcohol can suffer withdrawals that can cause symptoms such as nausea, vomiting. constant headaches, sweating, shakiness, and anxiety. These symptoms can cubside in two ways. By either giving the body the alcohol it desires, or naturally detoxifying your body and changing the body to no longer be dependant on alcohol.

Many people think that it is just a matter of controlling the mind and then you can stop drinking. That notion couldn’t be more false. Alcohol addictions are very difficult to overcome and the recovery is very much a process. The majority of alcoholics need assistance to stop drinking, that is, they need a mentor or someone they can report to on their success and progress.

Alcohol Addictions-Causes and Effects of Alcohol Addiction

Scientists have proven that people who have an alcoholic in their family/household, are 50% more likely to become an alcoholic. Based on a person’s environment and lifestyle, especially traumatic experiences as a youth, will greatly effect whether or not a person tries a drink of alcohol. The factors of one’s environment that might have an effect on their alcoholism are as follows; family, friends, culture, peer pressure, financial security, etc.

Alcohol addictions can lead to serious problems and circumstances. Not only can there be physical problems that arise, but also emotional and mental destructive behavior can arise. Currently alcohol is involved in half of all crimes, murders, rapes, burglary, and accidental death. There is also a long list of health issues that can arise when alcohol is consumed: brain damage, liver disease, heart disease, cancer, etc. Alcoholics who are not able to quit drinking reduce their life expectancy 10-15 years.

Other causes and effects from alcohol addictions:

• Too many rinks can kill many, many brain cells that can cause brain damage
• Alcohol can hinder the reaction time of the nervous system
• Alcohol can cause inflammation in the mouth and esophagus which can lead to cancer
• Drinking can produce irregular heartbeats, high blood pressure, heart attacks and other heart problems
• Can destroy sexual function, pleasure, and desire.
• Can lead to skin and pancreatic disorders, weaken the bone and muscle structure, eventually lowering your immunity

A large amount of alcohol that is taken in is broken down by the liver. The liver has a fixed rate of breaking down the alcohol, so as the liver is overused, disorders and malfunctions can result, making the liver the primary location of alcohol’s damage. Liver damage can occur in three stages. The first stage is liver enlargement whereby liver cells are penetrated with abnormal fatty tissue. The second stage is the alcoholic hepatitis whereby liver cells swell, inflame, and eventually die. The third stage is cirrhosis in which fibrous scar tissues are formed, hindering the flow of blood through the liver.

Alcohol Addiction-What to do?

The first thing is having a determination to quit drinking alcohol and having control of your body once again. Then you need to have the initiative to realize what triggers your alcohol drinking problem. Do everything in your power to eliminate those triggers in your life. Even if it includes losing many friendships. Forgiveness is an important part of this process and also seek counseling to aid in the healing process.

Making the decision to get help is the most important one out there. Whether it is through counseling, either through this site or an in office visit, that is very necessary. Please contact me or another professional in the field who can help. Many online prices are better and studies have shown that they are just as effective. You can contact me at addictionrecoveryplans@gmail.com. I will be there to help with any question or concern you might have. That is the purpose of me helping with Addiction Recovery.

Throughout my professional career, I have visited and counseled with many people about their addictions and what takes place in their lives. There is a definite control that any addiction has on the human body. The way I have heard it said, is that once an addict, always an addict. However, I am here to change that notion. I feel that any addiction is just like bad habit, but one that is very serious and life threatening, both physically and emotionally.

It has been said, that it takes 21 days to form a habit and only 3 days to break a habit. I have seen this be the case with many addictions, yet some can be more powerful than others. One must first believe in themselves. If that can take place, then a complete recovery s possible. If that doens’t take place, there is ni hope.

I worked a few years back with a gentleman that had an alcohol addiction. He had struggled for years with this addiction, and it destroyed every relationship that he had in his life. He was single, over 50 and always down in the dumps.

Just like any bad habit though, he was able to beat it and have a happy/healthy lifestyle. He had a spiritual experience that he said changed him. Along with a few materials that I had given him he was able to beat his addiction. It was such a joy to see him be able to talk about his addiction recovery. He now loves spending time with his son and watching movies. Needless to say, the man is no longer an addict, but a victor.